10) Next terrorist attack to be Easter morning on an airline from Denmark to LA after a man blows up the plane with exploding “pop rocks” bubble gum

9) “Airport Full Body Scans” is the new big hit TV show of the season

8) Obama is discovered in an affair with Tiger Wood’s girlfriend Rachel Uchitel and many other white women

7) Michelle Obama runs off with Hillary Clinton, they are married in San Francisco, and together run for presidency in 2014

6) End of the world 2012 is postponed to unlucky 2013

5) Elin Nordegren marries Charlie Sheen gets divorced, marries Mel Gibson and gets divorced – ends up with lots more money

4) Britney Spears has Lady Gaga’s baby

3) Brett Favre retires, signs with Arizona Cardinals, then immediately retires

2) Sexy Secretary of Treasury Tim Geitner appears in Playgirl Magazine

1) Michael Jackson re-emerges as superstar after being cloned from a piece of his leftover nose found in Simon Cowell’s freezer
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