Spoon gangs roam the street armed with big ladles, little pointed teaspoons and plastic un-recyclable spoons. One spoon crime victim tells us she will never be able to visit her grandfather again as he used to play the spoons. The campaign for a cutlery-free world says the crime is spreading and the special spoon squad declare a spoon amnesty. This panic report suggests we need to use our heads about hysterical media fear-mongering; especially as the proposed solutions involve more punitive laws and regulation of young people’s lives.