I'm all alone searching for this little piece of happiness,
For this little bit of joy, for this little piece of freedom.
But I shall never find it; not here not now.
Why did I have to be hypothesized by this drug,
Why do I feel the urge to put this in my veins,
Why must I smoke it, and fill my nose up with it.
Can someone tell me why am I addicted to these things.
They keep calling me and no matter how hard I try to ignore them
I can't I just can't, It's like I'm under their spell.
My family has giving up on me, NA don't seem to be helping me so what's next.
God? Ha I laugh at the idea, he gave up on me a long time ago.
So now I'm here stuck in a moment of time that refuse to go forward.
Steady rewinding the good times dwelling in the past,
Replaying the bad times and wondering where it all went wrong.
Was it my childhood being molested by my father,
Was it being teased by my classmates about being gay,
Was it the fact that my mother never gave a damn about me?
Is it right to blame my downfalls and short comings on others.
I am weak, I am ashamed, I am an addict.
For 15 years drugs has gotten the best of me.
It was my love, my friend, my food, my shelter, and my God.
But not no more and never again.
I still remember my first high, that very first high.
My god it wasn't nothing like it and now for 15 years I've been trying to reach it again.
But not no more and never again.
Today I am changing my life,
Today I am starting over all over again,
Today I am no longer an addict, I am an addict in recovery.
Yesterday was the last day drugs overpowered me
Today I'm living life without drugs one day at a time

Craig Mize

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/fighting-the-fight/