Ratbag was a pirate
whom sailed the seven seas
and the Spanish Main.
You won’t find his name in any history book,
as he wasn’t that good at being a pirate at all.
He was neither Long John Silver
nor Captain Henry Morgan.
His greatest claim to fame
was attempting to kidnap
a Polynesian Princess,
but feisty woman said,
“Ho, Ho, Oh no you don’t.”
Then promptly hit Ratbag
over the head with a coconut.
However, she was much better than
just conking him on the bonce
she ran off with his pirate ship
and his motley crew as well.
She left ole Ratbag stranded on an island
with the most ugliest women
the world has ever seen.
Ratbag got away from there,
and hitched a ride
on a passing brigantine home,
but the law caught up with him
said he must spend twenty years
in the penal colony at Cookaroo.
Then he was place on a farm
that raised kangaroos;
his job was to round them up
at the close of day.
Another thing he was not good at
as the Cookaroo’s kangaroos
beat him up every time he shouted.
Escaping from Cookaroo,
he became a highwayman
another job he wasn’t good at its sad to say.
The first coach he shouted stand and deliver to,
ran him into the ground.
Sadly, that led to his demise.

1 September 2009

Author Note:
The name Ratbag comes from a criminal who was once locked up in Newgate Prison. The rest of this tale was made up by the author who hopes it raised a smile.

David Harris

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/ratbag-fun-poem-109/