I have believed and yet have not
and felt the bullets from both sides
who say it's harder to believe
while others say it's truth denied.

And I have sat in churches old
with prayers and with folded hands
and watched the weary faces bow
in honor to a greater man.

While later on in later years
in lecture halls I tried to find
a reason for each breath I took
a piece to fill my darkening mind.

But it wasn't Gabriel who came
nor Darwin with his evidence.
Just silence in the shape of this
a head in hands with reverence.

And what, what really can they say?
That a man has tried with all he is to pray?

Ben Paynter

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-have-believed-and-yet-have-not/