If Miley Cyrus was hoping to shock the butt floss out of her fan base at the 2013 VMAs, then she might have been successful. But judging from the facial expressions of Rihanna and Drake, they thought the performance was a big snooze. Probably the only veteran performer in the audience who was actually caught off guard by the Lil' miss White-Booty's twerkathon was Will Smith and his family. But their reaction might have been due to proximity to the stage, and fear of getting pink eye from that bear on her chest.

For a singer who has all the soul of a Billy Ray Cyrus square dance on a Disney Channel after school special, Miley really stretched every raunchy muscle she had at this performance. It's as if she's aiming to gross out her trapper-keeper holding, promise-ring wearing, kissing cousins behind the barn fan base and migrate to the slightly more grown-up world of high school dropout rainbow parties and Robitussin Grape-drank. And, god bless her, she did everything she could to twerk that pair of rinky-dink Hormel sliced hams at the top of her thighs, but it was no use. Not even surrounding herself with a squad of Pedobear toting, bootytastic black chicks could give Miley soul-by-association. It's just not there.

But in all that conjuring up of booty sweat, she must have said his name three times, because Robin Thicke got on stage for a tongue lashing by Miley while he performed his hit, Blurred Lines. Seriously, what was up with her tongue? Well, nobody can say Miley didn't try to shrug off her good girl image, but next time, leave the twerking to the professionals.

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