A dead body was found on a Queens bound N train today. Examining the contents of the dead rider's stomach, authorities say it was clear that he had recently gorged himself in Williamsburg, as indicated by the ironic belt buckles and American Spirits that were found within.
Beside the victim's flaccid dorsal fin, police located his cell phone, revealing a sad tale all too familiar to New Yorkers; that of a bright eyed traveller on his first trip to the Big Apple. The city where immigrants circled Ellis Island with their fins out of the water, leaving memories of the old world behind. But the American dream doesn't come true for every shark. Indeed, the mean streets of New York can take a young shark, chew him up and spit him out. That was the sad fate of this youngster. By the time paramedics arrived, the body was already cold.
Evidence found on the victim's iPhone suggests the young shark was visiting New York with friends, but somehow they got seperated. After hitting the tourist hot spots of Times Square and the Statue of Liberty, they decided to take a spin on the subway. That's where one shark was left behind at the turnstiles, while another fell victim to the NYPD's infamous stop and frisk policy. Gee, I wonder how the singled HIM out.
The health conscious eaters of Williamsburg apparently proved too tempting for the lone shark, who gorged himself until couldn't breath, like a fat kid in skinny jeans. Unless the travellers next of kin are able to make funeral arrangements, the body will be sold in Chinatown for its fins.
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